Monday, August 28, 2006
Just received a sms from the millitary to remind me to enlist on the 7th of Sep. I thought ahead, no feeling in me. So numb, everything is moving so fast in a blur all around me. Makes me feel like when the next moment I blink my eyes, I will be staring from above at an ah pei lying in a coffin, who vaguely resembles me. Just like Adam Sandler in Click.
Yesterday went to meet ex-colleagues of fsppc. Watched the snakes movie, played at the arcade then met more of my ex-colleagues for pubbing. We played card games, the eight of us. And we order alot of beer as penalties for the losers. I was rather ok throughout the games, able to avoid losing too much. But when at the last round of the game was a disaster for me, being the 2nd biggest loser in that round. But my penalty was the most, so I had to force down quite a lot of beer (for my limit), and at last I felt the drunken feeling to sink inside me. Felt very sleepy at first, but luckily it passed off quickly.
Three days before met with poly friends. Total of six person, went to the same place as with my ex-colleagues two days later . Same mrt station, same mall, same fastfood restaurant, same arcade. Same feeling of happiness and content.
Going to finish Dan Brown's novel Angels And Demons. One more book on my Read-List. And after yesterday Snakes On A Plane, one more movie on my Watched-List. Books and movies are essential to me. But it is not the "book" or the "movie" that is important, but what I get from within it, like the knowledges, feelings, thoughts, and messages.
I like you not because of who you are, but what I can get from you.
it is just sooner or later
3:47 PM
Saturday, August 19, 2006
Did not sleep at all. Must be overslept on the previous day. Now did not really feel tired. Listening to music and just surfing around the net, mostly on soccer. EPL (English Premier League) starting today. At last something good happens in my life. Too bad going to ns soon. Will miss a huge part of the season.
Watched two horror films in two consecutive days, An American Haunting and Ghost Game. They were equally alright, though Ghost Game did give more scare. But the endings were quite depressing, given no survivor left behind in Ghost Game, while revealing an ugly truth in American Haunting. Suddenly feel like watching The Lake House again. Did not know why, but something in the movie just attracts me. Oddly the scenes most memorable to me are the dialogues between the two brothers in the movie, firstly when they were on the lake house, then when they just moved into the office in the city.
Opened my blogspot site and checkd out my friends' blogs. Saw hers and I suddenly felt... low, sort of depress without any reason. Thought it was fading, but just found out it has not. Apparently I was thinking too much, should focus on something else. Saw another friend's blog, who had just came back from Genting. I was supposed to leave for Genting with my family last night if things have gone according to plan. But as usual, nothing goes right in my family. F*ck, thinking of this fouls my mood. How have my parents had allowed things to turn out in this way.
Adults, you would have thought they are old enough to think. I feel they are more childish then me.
Going to pack my things now. Throw away my old school stuffs and rearrange those things I want in a corner of this pathetic house. Wonder who has let it comes to this state. Looking forward to my bunk in tekong. Haha... Out of the frying pan and into the fire. Since there is only one end which is death, I hope I have chosen the one swifter and painless.
But deep in my mind, what I hope most is to survive.
it is just sooner or later
8:19 AM
Monday, August 14, 2006
Thinking of posting some pictures on my blog. But decided against it. Do not know why, but I just want to keep my blog site simple, just black and white.
4.47am now and time continues to click away on the clock. Counting down to my ns and I do not really care. Just want to get on with life, be it good or bad. But it is very objective to decide if your life is either. To me everything I have experienced in my life is positive, as it results in me being what I am. As I like myself more then I hate myself, I guess I can say say my life is good. Had fun at my friends' house yesterday morning. pam, han and me played this game like writing down other friends' and our names on cards and we got to choose one of those cards. Then we mimicked the person we had chosen in a senario, before guessing who was acting who. Quite lame, but is fun. That is what matter most.
Saw two dead birds three or four days back. Both being squashed flat on the road, at Bugis (I think) and Tampines (I'm sure). Then this afternnon walking back home I saw another dead cat. I looked at them and thought life was being ended to make ways for new ones. Wonder who had died to make way for me.
Being waiting for something to happen, some particular matter. Thought I might just proceed but do not find it is a appropriate time. Maybe I am just looking for excuses. Really hope it will happen but I was uncharacteristically pesismistic on this matter. Doing nothing make me feel worse. Seriously thinking, what I should do now is...
...have a shower and go to sleep. Ya that is what I will do. Fatigue catching up with me, calling me to get wild and be freed from reality inside the dreamland in my head. What should I do when I reach there? Maybe get a ride on superman to visit Bill Gates at his villa, then invite Ronaldinho and Beckham over to have a free kick contest. After it was to discuss physics with Einstein. Of course not to remember to fly over to middle earth to help out my old mates Legolas and co. to destroy the damn ring, and maybe can date that beautiful Arwen for dinner...
... ZZZZzzzz...
sshhh... sweet dreams and have a nice day...
it is just sooner or later
4:37 AM
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Was at home since the movie ( F&F: Tokyo Drift) with ch and cw on 5/8 to wednesday 9/8, never stepped out my doorstep, not even to buy anything from the mama's shop at the void deck of my block. Break the record (probably) when I was remembered by one of friends again, pam. Thanks girl for rescuing me. Haha. Met her for two days, catching two movies in between, Click and The Lake House. I watched the latter for the second times, though I did not really mind because there was something in the movie which I liked very much. Maybe was the characters, the plot, the music, or all of them. As for Click it was really above my expectation. Watched it at Lido- Cinema Classic, though I did not see anything classic about it. Was deciding between Click and Hard Candy, and in the end pam said Hard Candy's like quite scary (erm..) so we bought tickets for Click. Two parts from the movie was really touching, when Adam Sandler returned to the last moment with his dad and kept repeating the "I love you, son" part, then said "I love you too, dad" before kissing his late father. The other was when the ageing Adam Sandler crawling in the middle of the road under the rain half-dead, and finally spotted by his son, then surrounded by the person most important to him (except one whom he showed the middle finger to) before he became full-dead. "Will you still love me in the morning?", he show the message to his ex-wife. Oh how sad. I almost teared at that scene. Almost. Made me wanted to cherish my family.
Thought would stay ay home to challenge the record, until wednesday (16/8) when I am supposed to meet my friend for movie. But t.Horny just called me to lan so I think I have to left my record as it is. Suppose to meet him in 15min time yet I am still here listening to Linking Park and blogging, too lazy to move my butt. Somehow the blasting of Linking Park music has a soothing eefect on me. Then this morning I watched the repeat of the final of Superband on channel U. A bit sad it was over because I was a fans of the show. Guess I will be catching lots of movies in the coming weeks. Life without work does not seem so bad after all. Have some hopes and wishes for my near future:
-blog more often when I have the chance to blog, before going into NS
-treat my family better
-work out and train more (I want to become a hunk!! lolx)
-save money (coz I did not hav too much left)
-vent out my negative emotions and replace by positive ones.
-watch more movies and books
-buy things which I really want, and needed (CDs, books, a cap, new pair of shoes, slipper n specs)
- spend more quality time with very good friends
-go overseas before NS
-buy one more pet (probably a puppy or a kitty) to accompany my 4 lovable tortises. Got this urge when I met Happy, a Jack Russell, which is soooo cute.
-and finally, smile more
Really appreciate for having friends. I think I am feeling alot "righter" then before. Did not hate so much then before. Guess is due to every little things, words said by friends and action done by them, that have subconsciously changed me. Or maybe Click had really hit something within my heart.
Still feels like crying and letting it all out. Still will not do it. Hey, no matter what, I still believe I am a strong person. (lolx)
it is just sooner or later
3:25 PM
Saturday, August 05, 2006
I do not know what it is like to do those things I have wanted to do, which is a lot of things. I watched Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift last night, which was not so nice. But I really love a sentence from the character Han. It goes, "Life's simple. Make the choices, don't turn back." Kind of suit the whole objective of my blog. There are a lot of things which you did, or more accurately, which needed to be done in your life. You are made up of parts, and you need to find all of it to make you complete. Of course I do not think that is possible, because the pieces you found along your way will link you to the others, until it gets more and more to the stage that you just cannot collect all. It is tiring, so I just want to find the larger ones, those that matter more to me, and get on with it. Complicated, but is really simple in a sense. Maybe that sums me up as a person who likes to simplify matters with a contradicting mind. But I like myself as what it is. Not in a vain kind of way, but you know, hmm..., ya, you know what I mean. Maybe you will not know, but think about it, you will know. Haha, Sorry, my house is getting hot and stuffy, that will explain for my senseless comments above. (Running out of ideas to blog, maybe someone can just help me by providing advise and topics at the tagboards. Ya, it is you who is reading this. Do not forget.)
Thanks, friends. You will be loved and remembered. Because you are the pieces I have found, and made up a part of me. Erm..., and a rather large part too.
it is just sooner or later
7:10 PM
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
I like reading comic.
Pick up this hobby when I was very young. It was at the house of my grandmother in Malacca. Nice house it was, really felt like a home to me. But I could not go back to it anymore.
One of the first comic I read was those comic bought by my mother's brothers in their childhood. That was very long ago and all those comic books were old, with thier chipped and yellowish pages, but what was important was that they were nice. That is what meant the most to me. I would never had the chance to read them again. Marvel comics were next on my reading list. And I still read them today, mostly from the neighbourhood libraries because I cannot afford them (haha). Batman and Wolverine are my favorite characters because of some reasons. And then all types of comics just pour into my life. Thinking back I just realized one thing: comics are all senseless and stupid, illogical and wild imagination of the men drawing (and reading) them. Wondering if I am one of them.
Just got a customer complain today. Partly my fault, partly my colleagues. But pushing blame to others is not my trait, and it is not important anymore. Never have been important to me before, not my work, not my life. Then why am I living. I do not know. How ignorant of me.
Sometimes really have the urge to run away, but people says it is the act of cowards. But they have forgotten evading is also an act of survival. Other time I just want to grab some irritating people which I dislike from around me (whoever they are) and shout "F*ck Off" to them, and maybe add some blows to to the pathetic piece of skin infront of their heads which they call 'face'. But I will only do so if I am living within the pages of a comic book. Tempting, but senseless, stupid, illogical and wild all at the same time. Getting unstable nowsaday, maybe should just stay at home. It will not help much, but at least preventing me from hurting too many people. Hahaha. Thought it is comical, but it is not. Damn. What am I talking about.
Sorry for all who read this. Did not intend to write so many sh*t.
Hope people around me will be happy and contended. Never had a wish before, but now that is it.
Yo, cheerz!! Nite, sweet dreamz...
it is just sooner or later
7:00 PM